Last night I was talking with some friends at work and ended up stating that I wish I was a much more consistent person. It felt like a revelation as the words came out of my mouth. It sounding like both a new and old truth about myself. Hurt yet felt like a beautiful realization. Then I got to thinking.
In sports during high school and college it was every coaches pet peeve.
In relationships it's always been the biggest disconnect.
In jobs reviews it's always made itself onto reviews.
With my family... Same thing.
If my poor beautiful dog, Stella, Could talk it's what she would say.
Heck. Me being UP at 5am in the morning with a long day ahead of me only further proves this.
I've continuously prided myself on not being a quieter throughout life. Even made fun of perceived quitters for being quitters. Doesn't mean I haven't done things with as little effort as possible... or failed in huge ways to counter personal triumphs. I mean, shoot, I've had 4 jobs since graduating college 2 years ago. I've been a student ministries director for a church a retail banker for a bank, a mental health paraprofessional for a guidance organization and a server/bartender for a sports bar, hah. Right now the very DEFINITION of the word consistency kinda bums me out right now, hah.
Consistency - constant; with regularity, evenness, steadiness, stability, dependability, reliability.
I think this is why I largely crave the Navy. Consistency, commitment, dedication, obligation. When you sign up for the military you do so for a set amount of years... I need that but also crave it. Goodness, our beautiful savior BY EXISTENCE exists as an omnipresent and omniscient force of consistency. Never changing. Remaining the same. Continual. Ever loving. Ever forgiving. Ever faithful. Ever good.
Since my divorce I've been blessed with the greatest displays of grace possible. From my forgiving savior but also some of the worlds most consistent people. Friends who never stopped calling, despite some of the stupid things I was doing. There have been other struggles since the separation, some of which really linger now, but they have stuck with me all along. Two of them specifically come to mind. Both will unshakably have my loyalty no matter what. I deeply wish I could bless them in return with the same display of consistency. I love them both.
I feel God challenging me towards this word in several areas. Largely in my relationships and actions but also in how I speak of people and what I speak about. Even in how I prepare for what is to come, be it navy or career. This is all a difficult thing to think about, seeing as its clearly been a genuine life struggle. With the power of a grace, though, all is game. Grace being community. Grace being imparted righteousness.
I leave you guys with this small encouragement I read from Paul, who wrote it to the church in Corinth. Hopefully this difficult and vulnerable reflection inspires you towards the word "consistency" too. I'm gonna start by getting to bed.
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. - 1 Corinthians 15:58.
In my inconsistency, the father redeems me in consistency... He is sooo good.
