Last night I was talking with some friends at work and ended up stating that I wish I was a much more consistent person. It felt like a revelation as the words came out of my mouth. It sounding like both a new and old truth about myself. Hurt yet felt like a beautiful realization. Then I got to thinking.
In sports during high school and college it was every coaches pet peeve.
In relationships it's always been the biggest disconnect.
In jobs reviews it's always made itself onto reviews.
With my family... Same thing.
If my poor beautiful dog, Stella, Could talk it's what she would say.
Heck. Me being UP at 5am in the morning with a long day ahead of me only further proves this.
I've continuously prided myself on not being a quieter throughout life. Even made fun of perceived quitters for being quitters. Doesn't mean I haven't done things with as little effort as possible... or failed in huge ways to counter personal triumphs. I mean, shoot, I've had 4 jobs since graduating college 2 years ago. I've been a student ministries director for a church a retail banker for a bank, a mental health paraprofessional for a guidance organization and a server/bartender for a sports bar, hah. Right now the very DEFINITION of the word consistency kinda bums me out right now, hah.
Consistency - constant; with regularity, evenness, steadiness, stability, dependability, reliability.
I think this is why I largely crave the Navy. Consistency, commitment, dedication, obligation. When you sign up for the military you do so for a set amount of years... I need that but also crave it. Goodness, our beautiful savior BY EXISTENCE exists as an omnipresent and omniscient force of consistency. Never changing. Remaining the same. Continual. Ever loving. Ever forgiving. Ever faithful. Ever good.
Since my divorce I've been blessed with the greatest displays of grace possible. From my forgiving savior but also some of the worlds most consistent people. Friends who never stopped calling, despite some of the stupid things I was doing. There have been other struggles since the separation, some of which really linger now, but they have stuck with me all along. Two of them specifically come to mind. Both will unshakably have my loyalty no matter what. I deeply wish I could bless them in return with the same display of consistency. I love them both.
I feel God challenging me towards this word in several areas. Largely in my relationships and actions but also in how I speak of people and what I speak about. Even in how I prepare for what is to come, be it navy or career. This is all a difficult thing to think about, seeing as its clearly been a genuine life struggle. With the power of a grace, though, all is game. Grace being community. Grace being imparted righteousness.
I leave you guys with this small encouragement I read from Paul, who wrote it to the church in Corinth. Hopefully this difficult and vulnerable reflection inspires you towards the word "consistency" too. I'm gonna start by getting to bed.
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. - 1 Corinthians 15:58.
In my inconsistency, the father redeems me in consistency... He is sooo good.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Empathy.
Empathy - The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another; the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another persons feelings.
When I was going through my divorce I began to really dive in to the Psalms of David. Definitely was searching for something to ease the soul, despite the circumstances. To be honest, diving into those Psalms at the time was the reason I even started this blog... Felt like it was a good place to seek vulnerability, peace, redemption, repentance and authenticity.
When I told the pastor who then was trying to walk me through the separation process that I was continuously diving into the Psalms he gave me an incredibly harsh remark. He said: Why dive into the Psalms? You're not seeking to be with God. You're seeking the easy path. Why don't you dive in to Romans, which is full of conviction and the need to restore relationship with God? You just wanna hear good things that make you feel better.
Everything inside of me wants to reveal the name of this particular pastor. Mostly because he preaches at a church with the word "GRACE" written on every wall. I wish I could have responded to his input then but I simply didn't have right words to. My world was crashing, it was largely my fault, I felt I had no where to run, had to resign from my youth director position, was making no money, had a pile of bills, was losing "christian friends" to the debacle, etc. It was definitely a gruesome time. It goes without saying that I handled a lot of that entire situation poorly as well.
If I could give him my two cents today, I would tell that pastor this: You're a fool. David was viciously open about his failures and approached God with a broken heart. It's a clear example of how we should abide in the Lord through all circumstances. It's why he was called a "man after Gods own heart" in the first place. This abusive suggestion for Romans reveals your need to control grace but let me remind you that you aren't God. And let me express my thankfulness that you are not... Because God is a gracious, loving and patient God...
...I guess I'm thinking about all of this at 6:30 in the morning because I'm being reminded of the real power of empathy... And how it coincides with the power of healing. How important these two things are for being in intimate relationship with others... If we don't empathize, how then do we live outside ourselves and how do we help an aching world without understanding where its hurting? If we don't heal, how then are we to understand others without continuously thinking about whats aching in our own hearts?
See I can't judge the pastor. Like me, he's a victim of only thinking from his own perspective without attempting to set aside his own pains to effectively aid another. I guess my heart this morning is seeking healing from pain for improved empathy towards others because when you think about it... empathy is the most precious gift one can offer another human being. Its our willingness to put ourselves DIRECTLY in front of the arrows coming at another person and feeling as they feel. It's a deep, powerful and intimate connection. hah... Come to think of it, it's exactly what Christ did for the beloved on the cross.
Pray this blesses you this morning.
When I was going through my divorce I began to really dive in to the Psalms of David. Definitely was searching for something to ease the soul, despite the circumstances. To be honest, diving into those Psalms at the time was the reason I even started this blog... Felt like it was a good place to seek vulnerability, peace, redemption, repentance and authenticity.
When I told the pastor who then was trying to walk me through the separation process that I was continuously diving into the Psalms he gave me an incredibly harsh remark. He said: Why dive into the Psalms? You're not seeking to be with God. You're seeking the easy path. Why don't you dive in to Romans, which is full of conviction and the need to restore relationship with God? You just wanna hear good things that make you feel better.
Everything inside of me wants to reveal the name of this particular pastor. Mostly because he preaches at a church with the word "GRACE" written on every wall. I wish I could have responded to his input then but I simply didn't have right words to. My world was crashing, it was largely my fault, I felt I had no where to run, had to resign from my youth director position, was making no money, had a pile of bills, was losing "christian friends" to the debacle, etc. It was definitely a gruesome time. It goes without saying that I handled a lot of that entire situation poorly as well.
If I could give him my two cents today, I would tell that pastor this: You're a fool. David was viciously open about his failures and approached God with a broken heart. It's a clear example of how we should abide in the Lord through all circumstances. It's why he was called a "man after Gods own heart" in the first place. This abusive suggestion for Romans reveals your need to control grace but let me remind you that you aren't God. And let me express my thankfulness that you are not... Because God is a gracious, loving and patient God...
...I guess I'm thinking about all of this at 6:30 in the morning because I'm being reminded of the real power of empathy... And how it coincides with the power of healing. How important these two things are for being in intimate relationship with others... If we don't empathize, how then do we live outside ourselves and how do we help an aching world without understanding where its hurting? If we don't heal, how then are we to understand others without continuously thinking about whats aching in our own hearts?
See I can't judge the pastor. Like me, he's a victim of only thinking from his own perspective without attempting to set aside his own pains to effectively aid another. I guess my heart this morning is seeking healing from pain for improved empathy towards others because when you think about it... empathy is the most precious gift one can offer another human being. Its our willingness to put ourselves DIRECTLY in front of the arrows coming at another person and feeling as they feel. It's a deep, powerful and intimate connection. hah... Come to think of it, it's exactly what Christ did for the beloved on the cross.
Pray this blesses you this morning.
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